Time has a way of slipping through our fingers. One moment, we’re watching our grandchildren build forts and munch on Goldfish crackers; the next, they’re packing their bags for college.
With one grandchild out of college and four currently in college, my husband and I have learned that, although our role may change, we still have an opportunity to impact our grandchildren’s lives in a significant way. Here are ten tips from our personal playbook on how you can support your grandchildren during their college years.
1. Understand Your Place
In a healthy, traditional family, grandparents hold a privileged position. It is not usually as the frontline caregiver or the primary influencer—their parents fill that role. Our niche is one step removed. It’s important that grandparents respect their position. Our priority must be to build a relationship with their parents (our kids!) and support their decisions. We can pay a costly price if our relationship with their parents is broken.
2. Invest in Relationships
When our grandchildren are young, investing in relationships comes more easily when they jump delightedly into our arms or snuggle in our laps to read a book together. But when devices and social media dominate their attention, you may feel less able to connect with them.
Be patient. Don’t get discouraged. Invite them to go out to eat, fishing, golfing, or shopping. The conversations that ensue may surprise you. Use these opportunities to tell stories from your university days, how you met their grandmother or grandfather, your fight to resist temptations at school, or how your faith became real to you.
3. Encourage a Faith Stand Early
If your college grandchildren give you a listening ear and have been raised to follow Jesus, encourage them to take a strong stand for Christ early in their college years. It’s those who are wishy-washy and those who go with the flow who are easy targets for compromised thinking.
4. Pray for Them Regularly
The road through college is going to be challenging. Your grandchild is becoming an adult, much like a larva that writhes and twists to enter a chrysalis and then finally emerges as a beautiful butterfly. The struggle is essential to the process!
Our grandchildren will be making decisions that affect their careers, life’s partner, and spiritual journey. What can we do to help? Pray like you’ve never prayed before! And tell them you are praying for them. If you have a schedule, tell them what days of the week you are specifically lifting them up in prayer and ask them if they have any specific requests.
5. Show Interest in Their Studies
Take time to understand your grandchild’s chosen field of study so you can talk about it with them. Our oldest grandson was a physics/computer science major. My husband dug deep into his memories of college pre-med chemistry so they could discuss thermodynamics and subatomic particles when we were together.
6. Become a Fan of Their School
Becoming a fan of their school—whether it’s their school colors, mascot, or sports—is a way to show your grandchildren you are proud of them and interested in their lives.
7. Learn Their Communication Preferences
Ask them their preferred ways of communication. Do they prefer text, a phone call, or a handwritten letter? Use that means to reach out with encouragement and news from home. If you don’t get an answer, don’t be offended. Your grandchild is acting normally. Be a constant in their world of continual change. Keep your messages coming and make them short, positive, and encouraging.
8. Perfect the Care Package
Some things never change. College kids today love care packages just as much as they loved them back in the seventies. Find out what treats they enjoy or what type of small items make them feel loved. Then place a Scripture verse in the package along with the goodies.
Remember to let them know when the package is expected to arrive. College kids are not known for checking their mailboxes unless there is a reason!
9. Practice Financial Wisdom
Our position is that finances should primarily be a discussion between your grandchildren and their parents. It doesn’t hurt your grandchildren to have to tighten the belt, eat beans and rice, and forgo activities “everyone else is attending.” They will be leaner and tougher at the end of four years. And if you have opportunities to teach them biblical stewardship principles during these years, take advantage of it.
10. Trust God’s Sovereignty
God is writing their story. He created them and is shaping them into who he wants them to be. He has the best plan for their lives. All the worrying in the world will not accomplish anything.
As Proverbs 20:29 tells us, “The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.” Whether you’re sending off your first college-bound grandchild or watching your last one graduate, your role remains vital. Be close. Be constant. Be available.
