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Using My Gifts as a Co-Leader and Wife

Written by Katie Schulenborg on

Group Members

I’ll be honest, serving alongside my husband as a Small Group Co-Leader hasn’t always been easy or something I naturally fell into. There were some bumps along the way; and honestly, there still are. But God has been using this role as Co-Leader to teach me more about myself and how he created me–particularly in these two roles of wife and Small Group Co-Leader –to be a helpmate for my husband, Kyle.

What Kind of Leader?

I am definitely a leader (or aspire to be) in many of the situations I find myself in: be it at work, helping lead a project, serving as a room parent for my children’s classes at school, or in a friend setting. I tend to be the coordinator of all of the plans. But when it comes to being our Small Group’s Co-Leader, my role hasn’t always looked or felt like the “leader” roles that I do regularly.

In the early days of leading our Small Group, I would find a spot sitting right next to Kyle in our living room and too often lean over and tell him to remember to ask someone a question or remind him to tell the group something, since I managed the Small Group calendar and weekly emails.

This wasn’t ideal for a number of reasons:

  • It distracted Kyle by taking him off task
  • And it looked like I didn’t submit or defer to his leadership and teaching for the group, which I did!

Us Working Together

We decided (after many discussions with each other) that I would no longer sit next to Kyle during our Small Group gathering to remove any temptation to speak to or distract Kyle. And Kyle would always ask me in front of the group what administrative things I needed to share.

Having the dedicated time to share with the group details that I manage alleviated my felt need of reminding Kyle things in front of the group and it also affirmed my role as Co-Leader.


Knowing & Leaning into Each Others’ Giftings

Kyle knows that my gifting is in detail management and administration, so he has asked me to lead our group with those things and has given me time to do so: this is how I help as a Co-Leader. I know Kyle’s strengths are in leading and teaching content (which are also the most visible leadership responsibilities for most husband Small Group Leaders), so I make room for him to do so by keeping administrative messages concise, and I regularly send emails to the group to allow most of our time to be spent studying the Word and in prayer. Other wife Co-Leaders may exercise different gifts in their groups (like counsel, care, or hospitality).

Leaning into one another’s strengths in our group has allowed me to embrace my role as Co-Leader in our group and use my gifts while doing so. And determining how to lean into the strengths that you and your spouse each bring to the table can also create a healthy leadership model for your group: it’s a win-win.


Katie Schulenborg

Katie serves as the Executive Assistant and Project Manager at College Park. She is passionate about connecting the various ministries at to accomplish projects together. Katie enjoys spending time with her husband, Kyle, and their daughters, Hadley, Lucy & Audrey.

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