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Sample Questions for Being Intentionally Invasive

Written by Bob Martin on

Soul Care

As we become intentionally invasive in one another’s lives, the following questions can help us progress from everyday conversations to deeper more extreme spiritual conversations.

Everyday Entrance

These questions have more of a “get to know you feel” to them.  These help make use of everyday moments to engage someone spiritually. They can be used when you may not really know how things are going and don’t know specific questions to ask, but these open the door for deeper questions.

Sample Questions:

  1. How is your prayer life going? What are you praying for these days?
  2. Tell me what you are learning in the Word these days? What are you reading?
  3. Is there anything you are struggling with that I can pray for?
  4. Are there any Scriptures you are learning that you find helpful?
  5. Are you encouraged in the Lord these days or discouraged?
  6. How do you see the Lord growing you in Him these days?
  7. What are some things you are trusting the Lord for lately?
  8. What is your biggest struggle right now?

Evidence Entrance

These questions have more of a “coming alongside you” feel. They help in situations when you have evidence that something is going wrong or you are aware of a situation where you need to offer input and provide wisdom, compassion, or counsel.

Sample Questions:

  1. You mentioned you had struggled with forgiving ______. Can you tell me how you are doing with that?
  2. I know you have struggled in your prayer life in the last year. Did you ever isolate a reason for that? Can we talk further about remedying that and good next steps?
  3. Do you still struggle with envy and jealousy the way you have in the past? What has been helpful to renew your mind and think more biblically about that?
  4. Would you say you tend to repent quickly to the Lord or do you find yourself in self-pity a lot
  5. Six months ago you mentioned you were really going to get after your devotional life. How’s that going? What progress have you seen and what made the difference for you?
  6. How are you handling the recent death in your family? What about God’s character is encouraging you these days?
  7. What has been helpful as you have battled depression to renew your mind and renew your hope in the gospel and God’s provision in your life?

Extreme Entrance

These questions have more of a “we need to address this in your life quickly” feel. Use these when there is clear evidence that repentance and change needs to take place and especially when you see that it is currently not happening. This is often seen as
formal confrontation or intervention.

Sample Questions:

  1. I have noticed that you seem to consistently put your husband down and welcome a negative reflection on him. What’s going on in your relationship right now?
  2. Do you notice that you tend to talk about people’s sin a lot more than you do your own? Can we look at some Scriptures that have helped me deal with my own tongue?
  3. You keep sharing how you fail and fail again in pornography. We need to step things up in terms of care and accountability. How can we work together to make changes?
  4. You have shared how things are very hard financially for you, but I keep hearing of purchases you have been making that, to me, at least, do not seem essential. Do you work with a budget and would you be interested in some biblical teaching on how to steward God’s money?
  5. You’ve shared a lot of prayer requests with the group, but you have also told me that you spend very little time in prayer and hardly any in God’s Word. How do you think you can take advantage of this season to interact directly with God?
  6. I think the way you talk to your wife would make it very difficult for her to respect and submit to you. Can I share some thoughts with you that are helping me in being a biblical husband so we can grow together?
  7. I have watched you for several weeks and the way you erupt in anger over things that do not go your way. I think it is time for you to address this in your life and I would really like to come alongside you and see what biblical anger is and what it is clearly not. Are you willing to take a look into this with me?
Bob Martin

Bob first joined staff at College Park as a Pastoral Resident in 2011 and has served in several important roles since that time. He now serves as the Pastor of Membership & Connection. Bob is passionate about seeing men and women enter into community with others to find hope together. He enjoys spending time with his wife, family, and friends.

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