When I was a child, I assumed that by the time I reached adulthood I would know most of what I needed to know to work, to parent, and to otherwise succeed in adult stuff. While my parents certainly weren’t perfect, they didn’t give me any glaring examples of inadequacy. They seemed to know how to do their jobs, provide dinner and clothes for us, and guide us in our walk with the Lord. They were a constant source of stability and wisdom and seemed to have answers to my questions.
As I reached my teen years, I started to see glimpses of their humanity. I watched them wrestle with decisions. I witnessed their struggle to know how to parent two strong-willed daughters who certainly thought they knew everything. I saw their regret and humility when they responded poorly to my own pride or bad attitude.
Yet, I still entered adulthood assuming every adult around me knew what they were doing, certainly more than I knew. I remember regularly thinking that it was so weird that I was allowed to just walk around making decisions on my own without any supervision. When my husband and I had our first child and were released to go home from the hospital for the first time as a family of three, I kept thinking, “I can’t believe they just let us walk out of here with a whole mini human! Is there a proficiency test I need to take first?!” So began the parenting journey of asking myself and others a hundred questions a day, “What do I do now?” or “Is his poop supposed to be that color?” or “My child just ate a lot of dirt. How much dirt constitutes a trip to the ER?” You get the idea.
As we began to parent these little people, I still had this perception that I needed to prove myself to be knowledgeable, proficient, and wise to my children. I soon realized that this desire to be viewed as knowledgeable was just a guise for being prideful or stubborn.
It is only in recent years that I have seen the power of vulnerability and humility in the context of parenting. Some of the most powerful moments with my children have come when I humbly apologized to them for not handling a situation well or admitted that I didn’t know the answer. I found that my willingness to be humble and vulnerable garnered a receptiveness in them. It seems to immediately diffuse tense situations.
I write this not so I can get a pat on the back for being humble. I write this because I need regular reminders of this truth. I want to be a parent who is confident yet not prideful, knowledgeable yet teachable, and consistent yet willing to adjust if the situation warrants it.
The first several chapters of Proverbs are written from a father’s perspective as he encourages his son to seek wisdom and warns him against the dangers of folly. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, fools despise wisdom and instruction.” This hits close to home. I am a very independent person, and I am prone to rely on my own strength. I need constant reminders of the direct link between fearing the Lord and a biblical understanding of my place in his plan on this earth.
The days when I rely on my own knowledge and strength are often the days when I fail in parenting the most. I can get so caught up in the busyness of parenting that I easily get swept away into relying on my own effort. I feel completely justified in my stern, curt, and impatient tone because of my child’s obvious sin. I am prone to give long lectures to my kids about their irresponsibility, all the while feeling very superior as a parent.
I need regular reminders that it is “the Lord who gives wisdom” (Proverbs 2:6) and if I seek the Lord in humility, discretion will watch over me and understanding will guard me (2:11). It is no surprise that a favorite passage of many comes just after this. Proverbs 3:5-7 encourages us to “lean not on our own understanding,” to acknowledge Christ in all our ways, to be humble and self-abasing rather than wise in our own eyes, and ends with the admonishment again to “fear the Lord.”
So, as I wake each day, I will work to acknowledge that I cannot serve God well without his wisdom. I will fail often, but with the Holy Spirit as my guide, I will strive to exhibit confidence coupled with humility and knowledge coupled with teachability.
Being an adult is hard, and there are still days when I’m shocked I don’t need a life supervisor. But I’m thankful I don’t need to rely on my own strength because I know it is God who gives wisdom and knowledge.
