A shepherd has a tough job. He must attend to every aspect of the sheep under his care to ensure their well-being. This involves long days in the sun, long nights half awake, and constant vigilance.
He must be attentive to needs, proactive in preparing for danger, and confident in his direction.
But his job is also an immense privilege. He has no greater joy than to see his sheep safe and flourishing.
Dads are like shepherds, Timothy Witmer argues in his book The Shepherd Leader at Home. Like shepherds, each dad has also been tasked with knowing, leading, providing for (or feeding), and protecting the flock under his care.
We know this because Scripture compares the elders of the church to shepherds (1 Pet. 5:1-4). These shepherds act on behalf of the Good Shepherd, who knows, leads, feeds, and protects his sheep (Ps. 23; John 10:11-18). One of the key ways the church can identify whether an elder is qualified is by observing the way he shepherds his family: his wife and any children in the home (1 Tim. 3:2, 4-5). Though not all husbands and fathers will be elders, shouldn’t we all aspire to be the kind of person who could be an elder if called upon? Should any of us be content being known as someone who is out of control, inhospitable, violent, quarrelsome, and a lover of money (1 Tim. 3:1-7)?
From time to time, it’s good to take stock of how we’re doing. Dads, use the questions below (or the applicable questions if you are husband without children) to look for areas you can grow in.
Know (1 Pet. 3:7)
- Do you know your wife’s current joys, struggles, and prayers?
- Do you know what your wife is reading in the Word and why?
- Are you familiar with each of your children’s individual strengths, weaknesses, temptations, and needed areas of growth?
- Is your family happy with the amount of time they have with you? Or have they expressed that you seem to be spending a lot of time on work, hobbies, etc.?
- Would your family say that you are mentally present at home?
Lead (Eph. 5:23)
- Can your wife count on you to initiate conversations about important topics like schedule, finances, parenting, or challenges in your marriage? Or does it always seem that she needs to bring up these topics?
- Are your finances in order?
- Does your family know where you are leading them? Do you have goals and a vision for the future?
Feed (Eph. 5:26-27, 29; 6:4)
- Are you the Word and praying on a daily basis?
- Do you have a plan for your children’s spiritual development, and do you know how it is being implemented?
- Are you ensuring that your family is regularly engaged in church life: attending on Sundays, serving, living in community, giving, etc.?
- Do you talk about Christ and the Bible with your family outside of Sunday mornings and family devotional times?
Protect (Acts 20:28-35; Heb. 12:7-11)
- Are you harboring any secret sins such as pornography, gambling, etc.? Are  you using your phone to conceal things from your family?
- Are you regularly praying for yourself and your family?
- Is there anything in your life that would disqualify you from being an elder?
- Do you defer to your wife to carry out most of the discipline, or do you lead in both planning and implementing?
- Do you feel equipped to answer tough questions your family may ask about the Bible or the world, or do you know where to go to find the answers?
As you read through these questions, did you see areas for growth? If you did, use this opportunity to correct course and seek to shepherd your family better. Or if you find that you are weaker in one of the four areas right now, commit to using this next season to focus on improving in that area.
Shepherding is hard, and it takes vigilance and intentional actions to do it well. Call upon God, and he will equip you with the means and ability to be an effective godly shepherd to your family.
