I never aspired to be a grandparent. Not that I didn’t hope it would happen someday, but I just wasn’t eagerly anticipating it. Why? Well, to be frank, it meant getting old.
Take the following verse:
“Grandchildren are the crown of the aged . . .” – Proverbs 17:6
Grandchildren are beautiful, no mistake, and what woman doesn’t secretly wish to have a crown? But those concepts are tethered to . . . aged. I looked up the offending word in my Bible app, hoping for a nuanced definition that would remove the proverb’s glaring wrinkle only to find that it meant—well, “old”—not seasoned, or even mature, but just plain “old.”
What is it about aging that we find repugnant? Although all of us, Lord willing, do age, I think it is especially hard on women today. We are confronted with youthful beauty everywhere, from advertisements to entertainment. We graze on Instagram feeds, scrolling the newest anti-aging products and body toning exercises. Is that what aging is all about? Our appearance?
No matter how long we stave off the effects aging has on our bodies, skin, hair, and stamina, if the Lord chooses, we will get old. However, in the last decades of our lives, I don’t think the praise we will value most will be surrounding those outward things. (“Her skin was amazing” really doesn’t make for good eulogy material.) Instead, it will be our private lives, how we live on the inside, that will be exposed as we age. Do we live with vigor and focus for things that matter? Or are we concerned with the superficial and the temporary?
Jean Fleming, in her book Pursue the Intentional Life, says it this way: “The truth is that, all things unchanged, the women we will be at seventy, eighty and ninety are the women we are at forty and fifty—only distilled. Have you noticed the flaws and weaknesses of a forty-year-old concentrate with age? (16).” Our current obsessions are shaping how we age—how we become old.
The psalmist states, “So, teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Ps. 90:12). We don’t count our days because we are supposed to focus on their brevity, but rather that we should live reflectively, more concerned with character and our relationship with the life-giver than with the effects of aging and unproductive comparisons.
I read Jean Fleming’s book almost a decade ago when I was much more troubled by the whole aging thing and was not yet a grandmother myself. Her emphasis on inner character being more pronounced as we age and the value of self-reflection in the Lord’s presence had a powerful effect on me. Taking time to reflect allows me to examine today’s trajectory and make sure it is in line with the end goal of pleasing the Lord. It also allows me time to look back. A bonus of aging is that there are more years to look back on and more evidence of God’s love and care. Years lived walking with him are what give an added depth to the lyrics of this popular praise song:
And all my life You have been faithful
(Goodness of God, Bethel Music and Jenn Johnson)
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
Don’t get me wrong, I am still a conscientious user of retinol-A in my skin care regime, but the words “aged,” “old,” “mature” and “seasoned” have lost most of their shudder effect. And as for being a grandparent, I can attest to the truth of Proverbs 17:6. Nana years are truly the best.
But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever (Ps. 52:8).
